I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
