if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
