Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
