Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
