I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just had sex bonerless
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
