i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
