Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
