Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
