Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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