its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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