I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
