apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Drunk is not a location!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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