So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
