Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
