ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
