I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
