Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were trust falling into bushes
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
