508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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