If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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