I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
