she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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