so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
