I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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