I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
