remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
