Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
