What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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