if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
