We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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