If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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