it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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