his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
