she was so not down for the gang bang
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
