I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
