by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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