No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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