Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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