My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
