You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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