you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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