The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
