just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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