She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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