I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
