YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
