I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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