Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
