if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
