omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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