Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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