Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Two words: blizzard sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
