Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
