Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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