i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
