I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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