There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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