god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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