Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
