I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
