If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
