I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
