She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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