Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
