When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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