Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
