and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
