it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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