After last night, I could never be a politician.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
